


Dummy Thicc

by Corvid_Knight



Series: Demonstuck [47]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Demonstuck, Gen, Memes, kids being kids i guess?, threatened car theft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 15:44:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18813979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corvid_Knight/pseuds/Corvid_Knight
Summary: Davepeta pays Hal a nighttime visit with an announcement and a request. Hal is less than thrilled about both.





	Dummy Thicc

You come back to consciousness because something soft is brushing against your face, just barely enough of a tickling sensation to trip your internal alarms. It's an obvious attempt to get you awake, made by someone who knows how you tend to react to anything more forceful. That narrows the perpetrator down quite well, which means that rather than roll off the bed and dive for the revolver stored under it, you groan and reach for the light switch, turning some fraction of your attention inward as you do. 

**[netquery: timecheck?]**

**[02:45]**

Well. That narrows possible nighttime visitors down even more, to the point where you're _almost_ not surprised when you hit the lights to find Davepeta is crouched on the edge of your bed, their tail swaying back and forth just close enough to your face to brush against your skin every few seconds. 

However, the key word here is "almost," because Davepeta's grinning wide enough to showcase most of their feline teeth and their pupils are way too wide to pass for anything like human. And that little fucker has the nerve to _laugh_ when you recoil. 

At least you don't fall off the bed. "Hey Davepeta? Yeah, what the fuck?" 

The way their smile widens bodes ill for the next few minutes. "Hrrrghn, Hal—" 

Oh fuck you recognize that impression. "No." 

"—I'm trying to sneak out of the safehouse but—" 

"No, nope, it's three in the morning and I am _not_ listening to you say that—" 

They dive forward and pin your hands down before you can get them up over your ears, wings spreading for balance and tail lashing happily. "—I'm dummy thick and the—" 

"You're not thick, you're a _twig_ —" 

"—clap of my ass keeps alerting D 'n Grey!" As soon as they get that sentence out, Davepeta eases up with their grip on your wrists, enough that the effort you're already exerting to get them off is sufficient to send them tumbling off the bed. 

"Oh, shit—" 

"I'm okay!" Okay enough to bounce back up and just barely miss knocking you out with a (very literal) head-on collision. "Can I borrow your car?" 

"...Davepeta, it's three in the morning." 

"Hey, I'm not asking for you to get up; I just want your keys." Davepeta cocks their head, bright eyes flicking to the dresser where you keep the objects in question; dammit, you thought you had your tells under enough control that they wouldn't read you this easy. "C'mon, Hal, pleeeeaaase?" 

"I'm not giving you my keys." 

"Haaaaal—"

"You don't have a licence, Davepeta." If you roll over and lay back down, maybe they'll take the hint and just curl up to go back to sleep. It's worked in the past. 

"Excuse me, I've crashed fewer cars than you." Ah, they're not going to give up that easily; they crawl over to settle on your torso, hands resting on your chest and starting to knead gently. 

That's actually nice. Wait, you need to not budge on this. "I have personally seen you crash three cars, you don't have a driver's licence, _and_ it is three AM." 

"What does the time have to do with anything?" 

"Where the hell do you want to go at three AM?" 

For a second, they go quiet, still absently kneading at you as their face goes blank. You're pretty sure that their hands are getting a bit close to paws, at this point; the claws make the kneading a bit less pleasant. Then they grin again, wide and bright, like their answer is going to answer all your further questions and justify everything. 

"McDonald's." 

That justifies nothing. "Yeah, no. I'll take you tomorrow." 

"But I want ice cream _now_ , Hal." Davepeta rolls their eyes and plops down flat on your chest, driving all the air out of your lungs. It's nice that you don't technically need to breathe. "It's stupid! Human circadian rhythms are stupid. I sleep like three hours a night. _You_ don't even _need_ to sleep—" 

"I need sleep and you know it." Ah, their feline ears are soft. Nice to pet. This reminds you that you need to retrieve your best soft blanket from Dirk's workroom, actually. 

"One night a week doesn't count, Hal." Two-tone eyes roll towards you, giving you a pleading look as a purr roughens their next words. "Please?" 

Oh, for fuck's sale. "Are you going to just go back to the 'sneak out and steal someone else's car' plan if I say no?" 

"Not if you say not to." 

"Hm." The fun part here is that you do believe them when they say that they won't sneak out if you tell them not to. Davepeta is, by and large, obedient to rules that they think are fair. There are obviously exceptions—there's a rule about sneaking out, for one thing—but they tend to be honest about which they're going to break. 

They're also still looking at you hopefully. And hey, what the hell—you might as well be the fun adult this time, right? Make the kid happy? They _are_ just a kid, even if they look like a teenager; you need to keep that in mind. 

"Grab my keys and I'll meet you at the car." And, because you feel like the chimera needs to have a challenge to go with the reward of fast-food ice cream, "Wake up D or Grey and the deal's off, alright?" 

You don't even get an actual answer; just a gleeful caw as they bounce off the bed, dive for the dresser to retrieve your keys, and dart out the door before you can even sit up. However, that is very obviously a yes.

* * *

When you get out to the car, Davepeta already has it running. The windows are rolled down, giving you a perfect view of them in the driver's seat, bouncing up and down a bit; the backseat is more crowded than it should legally be, with the _rest_ of the kids. You're not feeling up to going a headcount, but you're fairly sure that all three of the baby shikigami that you had a hand in making are back there, _and_ Davesprite—

"I _swear_ I tried to talk them out of taking your car, Hal—" 

Oh, and Gale, apparently. It's nice to know that there's at least one legal adult here, even if Davepeta is completely capable of steamrolling any of their objections. Actually, no, you feel somewhat sorry for Gale. 

"I gave them permission, Gale. It's fine." You offer Gale (who's still in the borrowed t-shirt and fluffy pants that they wear as pajamas) a reassuring smile as you pull the door open. By the time it's wide enough for you to get in, Davepeta's squirmed into the tangle of kids in the backseat, prompting a wave of giggles from Seb and Liv, a squawk from Davesprite, and a yelp from Jr. "Guys, let Gale get in the front seat before you squash them, okay? Some of us aren't magically immune to dummy thick chimeras." 

"Uh...magically immune to _what_?" The poor kid's never been more confused in their life, from the sound of it, but whichever kids are closest manage to coax them into opening the door to get out. (You're mildly amazed that no one hits the pavement.) A moment later, Gale opens the passenger door and slides in, giving you a quick, bemused look. 

You refuse to even start to explain why you called your baby sibling dummy thick. "I'm guessing you're all here for ice cream?" 

Answer: three "yes!" one "what?" and one "nuggets!" 

"...Gale, are you just along for the ride?" 

"I, uh..." Hazel and green eyes blink at you; you wish they'd actually _look_ at you without you pretending that you're not looking at them. "...I'm, uh...not exactly sure where we're going, I just—Davepeta was on their way out, and—and Seb, Jr, Liv, I just..." 

"Ah. I commend you for trying to keep these demons under control." 

"I'm not a demon, I'm a _chimera_ —" 

"Dude, you're part me, and _I'm_ a little bit demon—" 

"You two be nice, or I'm taking you to McDonald's and buying myself coffee." That gets another chorus of shrieks, either at the obvious reference or at the threat. You're not really sure, but at least it quiets down after a second. "Better. So...three ice cream, one nuggets, and whatever Gale wants?" 

"Ice cream _and_ nuggets," Liv suggests. 

"Nah, they like those shake things, get them a chocolate one." 

"I'm going to go with Davesprite's input here, since he pays the most attention to preferences and we all know Liv just wants more nuggets. Am I right, Gale?" 

"Um...yes?" 

"Excellent." You nod and shift up into drive, pulling out from your spot. "We don't tell the adults, right?" 

"Right!" That's basically one answer from five kids. 

"...uh, Hal, aren't you...technically an adult?" 

"I plead the fifth. McDonald's time!"

**Author's Note:**

> thank you, discord chat, for forcing me to write this lmao


End file.
